Jinxed Universe

Well, it has been about seven months since my last post. Much has happened to cause this long break, which I will explain.

Before Thanksgiving I got a phone call from my Mom and Dad, that my Mom had been admitted into the University Hospital for her cancer as it was causing great pain in her leg, and it had gotten worse in recent days. In this phone call my parents explained that the cancer had become terminal as they couldn't give her anymore radiation and the chemotherapy was hurting her more than the cancer.

During this whole time, as it started a whole year ago, my parents ward took care of us very well. There were visits after visits from their ward family and friends. After my Mom got the terminal diagnosis, those visits only increased.

It was hard to see everyone go through this. My Mom looked pretty well. The only thing that showed was the shaking of her leg as the pain was so bad that Mon would jiggle her foot when she was in pain, which was all the time. But, slowly as the days past, you could see my Mom deteriorate. Because I would go to lunch there, it was a good time talk and spend time with her. But the pain was getting so bad that we ended up getting hospice for my Mom. They came in and have her enough medicine that she was able to near the pain, but in doing so she want always coherent. One week I didn't get a chance to visit during lunch and when we came on the weekend Mom was on oxygen and totally out of it. It was so hard to see this. The only time that she would say anything was when the medication would start the wear off and she would need some more.

During this time with Mom, my sister was able to help her out with her daily needs. Looking back I think that she was blessed to have that time with my Mom, that she wasn't able to find a job through all this. But, being that she was there all the time helping my Mom it had to be hard to go through all the events of everything. I at least only saw it when I would visit, everyone else had to live with it.

My Mom's goal through all this was to see our daughter Rebekah born and to make Thomas' wedding, both in January. But, as time progressed it was very apparent that she wasn't going to make it to either.

Through all the blessings of healing that she was given, December 19th 2010 my mother passed away. It was the exact same day that her father passed away 42 years ago to the day. I know that there was an overflowing amount of faith and prayers for my Mom to be healed, but it wasn't the Lord's will.

After having seen what my Mother went through, and I only saw a fraction, I can only imagine the pain and agony that Christ went through. I have never seen a more horrific way to die.

Evaluating my Mother's life, she was a saint! Just putting up with my Dad and his shenanigans is enough to exalt her, let alone having to raise five boys and a girl, while our Dad served the Church. When you include all she went through her with us and then her being a stalwart in the Church to the day she died, there is nothing in my eyes that would stop her from reaching the Celestial Kingdom.

The day she died I had been assigned to speak in sacrament meeting. I was sorely tempted to use my Mother's death to get out of it. But, the more and more I thought about it, the more and more I felt like I needed to do it. The night before I struggled to get down the words, but once my mind was made up to speak, I was able to get some ideas down. I decided to use my mother's death to emphasize the importance of Christ and his atonement that allows us to have the resurrection and being sealed as a family for eternity. Hopefully my message got across and people could see my point rather than focusing on my Mother's death.

We had Mom's funeral on the day before Christmas Eve. It was good, but Christmas had a new meaning and I think it forever will have a different meaning in my life.

After then, the big event was Thomas' wedding. As usual it was fun, but it lacked a certain excitement with Mom gone, the same happened when Rebekah was born. Even though they both were wonderful occasions, they just weren't the same.

In my talk at Mom's funeral I talked about how she was the glue that kept us all together. Now, with her gone it is more apparent than ever. Things are more disorganized and the draw to come over to my parent's just doesn't appeal as it used to. Mom was always the buffer between our Dad and us, as he has a problem communicating to us his wants and desires. Well, so you can imagine how strained it is now that my Mom is gone.